


One in a Million

by EdgyFood87



Series: Irondad is Best Dad [3]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Adorable Peter, Bisexual Character, Elementary School, F/F, F/M, First Crush, Harley Keener is Tony Stark's Biological Child, High School, I love you 3000, Irondad, Kid Fic, Kid Harley Keener, Kid Peter Parker, Lesbian Character, Married Couple, Married Life, Married Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Middle School, Multi, Parent Tony Stark, Parent-Child Relationship, Parenthood, Peter Parker is Tony Stark's Biological Child, Peter Parker is a Good Bro, Precious Peter Parker, Pregnancy, Protective Tony Stark, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark is Good With Kids, Uncle Happy is The Best, Uncle-Nephew Relationship, Uncle-Niece Relationship, adorable Harley, adorable morgan, he tries his best, ily 2, just not as much, peters my favorite, sorry harley and morgan, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2020-02-27 12:15:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18738817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdgyFood87/pseuds/EdgyFood87
Summary: In which Peter, Harley, and Morgan are triplets and sometimes they seem to exist solely for one purpose: to make Tony miserable.**very irregular updates oops**





	1. Triplets

**Author's Note:**

> ngl i stole some lines from parks and rec
> 
>  
> 
> So Endgame happened, but Tony didn't die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmk if you like this :)

"Let's see what's going down in baby town!" said Helen Cho as she clapped her hands together. Placing the ultrasound up to Pepper's belly, she gazed up excitedly at the screen. Pointing to an almost invisible spec, she grinned goofily. "There's your healthy baby."

Pepper turned to smile at her husband, practically shaking with excitement. 

"Oh, and there's another one!" Helen squealed. 

"The baby has two bodies?" Tony said stupidly, not wanting to think about having 2 babies at once.

"Twins," said Pepper. "Tony, we're having twins." She laughed, tears of joy sparkling at the corners of her eyes. "Twins." 

""No, you're not," Helen squealed, "because look who's hiding over here." She pointed to the other end of the screen, to another almost inconspicuous dot. 

" _Triplets_?" Pepper and Tony gasped unanimously. 

"And here's a fourth!" said an almost hyperventilating Helen. Then she frowned. "Oh, wait. It's just a little fleck of cream cheese on the screen. I _told_ Clint to stop eating his stupid bagels in here!" She sighed and stood, looking somewhat disappointed. "Just triplets." She sighed blissfully. "Can you imagine raising four children at one time? It's a nightmare to most, but... I'd give anything for dozens of little Stark babies." Then she giggled and embraced both future parents before skipping out of the room.

"Triplets," Tony buried his face in his hands. Both he and Pepper were shaking, but for different reasons. 

Pepper was shaking with excitement. She had never exactly thought about kids until Tony brought it up. She decided she would give it a try, make her husband happy. God knows he needed it after Thanos. However, the minute she started showing symptoms of being pregnant, she took a test and voilà! Nothing but love and affection for her unborn child. Well, _children_. She was glad she let Tony talk her into this.

Tony was shaking because he was terrified. He wanted a kid, and he wanted to raise him or her right. But... three kids? What if it was too much? What if he messed up? What if he made them feel as he felt as a child? What if they thought he didn't love them?

Both future parents were, however, shaking with determination as well. Determination to do right by their kids and to be the best and most loving parents of all time.

A few months later, Tony found himself standing next to his beautiful wife as she screeched and gripped his hand so hard he cried. "C'mon, baby, you can do this," he murmured comfortingly in her ear. 

"Push!" Helen said, and Pepper clenched her teeth as she pushed as hard as she could. A few moments later, one of Helen's assistants was wrapping a tiny, wailing body in a piece of cloth. 

"It's a boy!" he said as he placed it into a crib. Five minutes later, "another boy!" and two minutes after that, "a girl!" and it was over.

"You did so good, Pep," Tony said. "You did so good, baby." 

Then came the naming. After Pepper had rested for a few days, they debated baby names. Throughout her pregnancy, Pepper had wanted one of them to be named Harley (if one was a boy, of course), so thus the first was named Harley. Tony had wanted a kid named Morgan since his dream, and since they couldn't think of any better girl names, the baby girl was dubbed Morgan. As for the second boy, a quick Google search brought up thousands of potential boy names, but both Pepper and Tony liked Peter, so the boy became Peter. 

Harley Stark. Peter Stark. Morgan Stark. They were all so perfect.

 

Parenthood was rather difficult, Tony had to admit. Wait, scratch that. It was impossible. It was a nightmare. To sum it up, he hadn't slept in 2 weeks, which usually wouldn't be too unusual for him, but this was on a whole other level. Every five minutes, one of the babies would scream for something or they would poop or vomit. Just when Tony had changed Peter's diaper for the third time that night, Harley threw up all over Morgan, and an exhausted Tony cleaned it up and gave Morgan yet another bath. At some point, he realized he was crying as he muttered "I just want to sleep," repeatedly. 

But damn it, if he didn't love them.

"Boss," said Friday. "Incoming call from Pepper."

"Whaaaaat," Tony whined. Just when he had finally started to drift off. 

"Tony, the press know about the kids. Um, sort of. They're crowding the Tower, and we can't get them to go away. Nobody can get in or out. We have to do something. And by we, I mean you. I have an important meeting, that you're supposed to be at, by the way."

"On it, Pep!" Tony grumbled. "End call." 

Tony took out his phone and typed in his name. The first thing that popped up was the New York Times. He clicked and there was a picture of him and Happy at some baby store with the title 'Does Tony Stark have a Kid?' "Friday, find the youngest intern we have and send them up here, please."

A few minutes later, a nervous looking girl in her very early 20's stepped into the living quarters. She looked around and took in the room, and despite looking absolutely terrified, she couldn't help but smile at the little Starklings gurgling happily as they crawled all over an exhausted Tony. Almost as soon as the smile appeared, however, it vanished, and the girl mumbled, "Is- is everything ok, Mr. Stark, sir?" 

"Yes, of course, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you like that, Ms...?"

"Stacy. Gwen Stacy."

"Ms. Stacy," Tony finished. "So the press sort of figured out that I'm a parent and I don't know how to respond. But, I need something that's sarcastic, funny, and will annoy people. Can you do something like that for me?"

"Yes, of course, sir, right away!" Gwen said, excited now that she knew she wasn't fired.

"I _love_ it," Tony said triumphantly half an hour later.

On the screen, there was a large and funny picture of some yellow thing acting like a chicken. At the bottom, it said, "DoEs ToNy StArK hAvE a KiD?" Gwen said it was called a meme, or something like that. It's a young person thing, so Tony didn't understand. But as long as it annoyed people, he really didn't care.

"Nice job, kid," Tony said with a very stupid but happy grin. 

"Thank you, sir," said Gwen. She opened her mouth, and after a moment's hesitation, added, "Your kids are really adorable." Tony smiled again and chuckled out his thanks. "I've always loved kids," she continued. "I want to have some of my own one day. Maybe when I meet the right girl."

"You know," Tony started. He was a bit hesitant, was he really about to trust his precious monsters with a stranger? She seemed nice enough, and he got really good vibes from her... Oh, well. He couldn't help but admit that he kind of trusted her. He was going to need a babysitter anyway. "I do need some help with them. Would you like to come in once in a while and help me out?"

"That would... be amazing, but," she said with a conflicted sigh, "I don't want to give up this internship."

"No need. I just meant you could come in whenever the hell you feel like it and play with them, feed them. Friday will record how long you're here and at the end of the week, we'll send you a nice paycheck."

Gwen's hands flew to her mouth, and the resounding slap filled the room. "Yes, Mr. Stark, that would be incredible! Thank you so much!"

 

Tony grinned, maybe a little too happy as he posted the meme on his Twitter the next afternoon. He was rather giddy today. He was going to get to piss people off with Gwen's incredible meme, and speaking of Gwen, she offered to help with the kids tonight since she had no plans tomorrow, meaning Tony was looking to the first night of sleep since his kids were born. 

Gwen got there around nine that night. She cried when she saw the human pile Peter, Harley, and Morgan created in their sleep. "I love them so much," she laughed.

Tony smiled at her. "I'm looking forward to the first night of sleep in 3 months," he said. "You're good here?" She nodded. "Alright, don't hesitate to wake me if you need anything." She nodded as she continued to stare at the tiny children, as if she was in a trance. Tony didn't know if she heard him or not. Whatever. He was going to bed.

At 2 am, Tony was rather rudely awoken by an angry Pepper slamming their bedroom door open. The loud bang also woke the kids, who all began wailing immediately. Tony faintly heard Gwen shushing them comfortingly. "What's up?" 

"Your stupid tweet," Pepper hissed, "has made the press go crazy. You've basically confirmed their suspicions. I told you to fix it, Tony, not make things worse!"

"I'm sorry," Tony lied as he rubbed his eyes. "I just wish they would stay out of our business for once."

Pepper moved to lay next to her husband. "Yeah, but we really need to handle this, like now."

"I know, it's just..." Tony began. "I don't want them to live their lives in the spotlight. It's stressful, and I don't want them growing up self absorbed and thinking the entire world revolves around them. I want to raise them right, you know, as good people. I just wish they could have normal childhoods."

Pepper mumbled her agreement and the couple just lay in the dark for a few minutes, listening to Gwen putting the kids back to sleep.

"I hate to say it," Pepper sighed, "but-"

"We can't hide forever," Tony finished.

The next morning, the top trending news report read: Apparently, Famous Stark Couple Have Triplets We Didn't Know About.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls leave kudos I worked so hard


	2. oh my god please send help im dying how do i handle these children i dont know whta to do oh god p\laes i need assistahnce

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I cannot write ANYTHING until I have a random burst of inspiration, which only happens like once every billion years.
> 
> also this is short as hell and not really a chapter?? I just kinda realized "oh i havent written anything in a while" and i kinda just took like half an hour to throw this piece of crap together. Real chapter will come... at some point and will basically focus on elementary school years.

"You're going to home-school them?" Pepper asked accusingly. "How in the _hell_ do you plan on pulling that off? We can't teach them. We both have to work."

"We can hire someone!" said a flustered Tony. 

"That's not a good idea," said Pepper with a somewhat distressed look in her tired eyes. "They're nightmares. Nobody in their right mind could handle them." Just then, Harley crashed through the kitchen, followed closely by a hysterical Peter and a sobbing Morgan, both screaming and slipping on their socks in a failed attempt to chase their brother down. 

Peter finally got close enough to pounce on Harley and they tumbled to the floor, screaming. At first, Morgan cheered Peter on, but then finally realized her parents were present and watching the action from across the room with rather blank and unamused faces. She slid over to them, practically slipping in her pile of tears. She launched herself into Tony's lap and began to wail. Tony had to resist the urge to shove her off and cover his ears (which he was positive were bleeding). "DADDY!" she cried. "ME 'N PETER WERE HAVING A TEA PARTY 'N HARLEY STOLE MY TEACUP!" 

Now, Tony had been a proud father of 3 little genius idiots for 4 years. And he had one thing to say: it was chaotic. It was a challenge. Near impossible. And despite not being super religious, Tony made sure to send a silent prayer to God every night for Gwen and Pepper. What would he do without them?

When Tony didn't respond to his daughter's distressed calls after like half a second, she sat up and screamed _louder_ , somehow, and Tony had to bury his face in his hands as pain exploded behind his eyes. "Harley, give your sister her teacup," he mumbled, voice muffled.

...

...

_Crash._

Screeching.

"NO!"

Tony spent the next 10 seconds building up the courage to crack one of his eyes open. When he finally did, he was flooded with immediate regret as he was so graciously greeted with the sight of Morgan's shattered teacup scattered across the kitchen tiles. Peter was writhing on the floor in absolute hysterics, fighting against Pepper as he tried to stick the pieces back together. Peter always loved his tea parties. Morgan had taken Peter's spot atop Harley, trying to beat him to a pulp as Gwen went red in the face (when did she show up?) as she attempted to separate them. 

The chaos continued to be chaotic until Tony finally regained his senses and shouted at them to go to their rooms. The screaming was instantly replaced with the stomping of 3 pairs of feet making their way down the hall and then the slamming of 3 doors.

Tony rubbed his forehead. "I think I need to lie down for a bit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to no one's surprise, my inspiration for this chapter was another episode in parks and rec. Specifically, the one where Diane and the girls come to visit Ron in his office and we are blessed with 30 seconds of screaming and things shattering before complete silence, followed by "What just happened?"
> 
> lmk what y'all think of this short af filler chapter :))

**Author's Note:**

> please leave kudos if you like this, they keep me going and give me most of my inspiration


End file.
